“Experienced” Or Just Plain “Old”?

I’m old. The years tell it. The body reminds me daily. The mirror, well, the mirror does not lie to me either. I’ve seen some become offended at being called “old” and I have to giggle, maybe even LOL.

It’s all just semantics. One woman wants to live to 100. She is 50. Yet she complains about all the changes she is going through. The wrinkles, the memory glitches, hot flashes, walking into a room and forgetting why she is there, the failing eyesight, the morning aches and pains, the daytime aches and pains, and the nighttime aches and pains. She is doing this for what? Oh, I do not know. Maybe monetizing her posts or trying to be funny. She smiles occasionally. And she has a favorite word. I must confess that same word was my “go to” word when I was under 40. The occasional use of the “f” bomb still manages to drop from my lips and then I feel like an ass for not being able to say the same thing with much more pizzazz and eloquence while still projecting my deepest anger or hurt.

Getting old sucks sometimes, but then youth sucked some, too. Through all of life (good, bad and horrific) there was always that lingering thought that “this could not possibly be the best there is.”

At 42 I found out that I was right! This life here on Earth definitely is not all there is. It saddens me to know that far too many people believe that when humans die, that is it. That does not give life much of a purpose. It keeps us on the same level as animals. Our thoughts, desires, talents, aspirations, children and souls reduced to nothing by the mere belief in nothing. It reduces us to not much more than another invasive species like kudzu, dandelions and fire ants. Since we answer to no one, we are free to do as we please to or with whomever we please.

Stealing a penny or stealing billions; killing an unborn child or killing the elderly; throwing trash along the highway or burying gallons of toxic chemicals; none of it matters and one activity is no less damning than the other. One is no less sin than the other.

It all comes down to one point. Who is in charge. If man is in charge of everything, the universe is chaotic, drifting from one relativity to another. Up is down; down is up. Day is night; night is day. Right is wrong; wrong is right. Tomorrow may be different.

GOD, on the other hand, never changes. HE told humanity the only Rule on day one of humanity’s existence. Obey HIM. HE started with one explanatory rule. Do not eat from one specific tree, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. No other admonitions. No other rules. Adam knew the rule. But Adam stood there with Eve as she listened to the gossip of Satan posing as a serpent.

Adam knew better but listened to Eve. Eve knew better but listened to a talking serpent. GOD was left out of the equation. They had to leave their home and learn to do things the hard way. And humanity has been repeating the same mistake for thousands of years.

The Hebrew children who had witnessed the miracles first hand. They were able to leave Egypt with the spoils of the land while being freed from slavery. While Moses was talking to GOD and getting the Ten Commandments written by the finger of GOD, the Hebrew children were reclaiming their right to be stupid and insisted on worshiping a golden calf fashioned by the hands of Aaron, himself. They desired that the calf go before them as they returned to Egypt and slavery.

We have not learned a thing. Even if you do not believe in GOD you must admit that we do not learn from our own mistakes, much less the mistakes of others.

GOD, on the other hand, never changes. HE told humanity the only Rule on day one of humanity’s existence. Obey HIM. HE started with one explanatory rule. Do not eat from one specific tree, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. No other admonitions. No other rules. Adam knew the rule. But Adam stood there with Eve as she listened to the gossip of Satan posing as a serpent.

Adam knew better but listened to Eve. Eve knew better but listened to a talking serpent. GOD was left out of the equation. They had to leave their home and learn to do things the hard way. And humanity has been repeating the same mistake for thousands of years.

The Hebrew children who had witnessed the miracles first hand. They were able to leave Egypt with the spoils of the land while being freed from slavery. While Moses was talking to GOD and getting the Ten Commandments written by the finger of GOD, the Hebrew children were reclaiming their right to be stupid and insisted on worshiping a golden calf fashioned by the hands of Aaron, himself. They desired that the calf go before them as they returned to Egypt and slavery.

We have not learned a thing. Even if you do not believe in GOD you must admit that we do not learn from our own mistakes, much less the mistakes of others.

I Have Lost It, Or Have I?

I have lost it. I need to find it.
It was very useful at one time.
Took up so little space.
I really do need to find it.

It was filled with remarkable things.
Things of wonder and things of grandeur.
Dreams I think they are called.
I really do need to find it.

At times it feels almost … within reach.
A flicker …. A whisper of a memory.
But, it is not really gone even though
It cannot be found …. among the ruins ….

It was in a space not really big nor terribly small.
It still holds the years that have long since departed.
What have I lost that evades the finding?
My youthful mind that soared so free.

The mind that told me I could do great things.
The mind that told me I could change the world.
Has it really gone? Has it really departed?
Or did I simply ignore what it told me and trampled it soundly beneath a life of mediocrity?

Are We “woke” Enough Yet?

It is only when we truly awaken to our folly that we open our eyes to truth. I heard someone say regarding the “Land O Lakes” logo on the butter that “true to form, they got rid of the Indian and kept the land”. Isn’t that true with all the rest of the supposedly ‘woke culture’ logo rehabs? They are ridding the shelves and the world of ‘offensive’ logos (Uncle Ben, Aunt Jemima, the Red Skins, and the rest) while “keeping the land”. Who is really the racist in all of this foolishness? Who is ridding America of the black and brown indicators of success? Who is trying to absorb womanhood into an amorphous sludge of existence?

The left, the Marxists, the progressives (should be REgressives); call them what you will, they are simply trying to merge us into one single brownish grey soup with no individual identity. We will not be male nor female. We will have no ethnicity. We will have no religion. We will belong to the government and think as we are told. We will not fail, nor will we succeed. We will not be unhappy, nor will we be happy. We will not be slaves to government, nor will we be free.

That is not what it means to be free. That is what it means to have equity. Everyone is equally miserable except for the elites.

THAT is NOT what GOD meant us to be!

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? Part 1

Is that really the best question to ask? It seems to be too broad and too narrow at the same time. I think that is what is known as a dichotomy, both in the social sense as well as the practical.

When I was very young I wanted to be a teacher. School was my refuge and teachers were my heroines. I trusted them and understood my boundaries. What followed was a list of noble professions, stewardess, nurse, writer, violinist and, of course, princess. As I grew into the teen years, my art started growing and I wanted to be an artist, then a commercial artist. When I passed the audition for the high school choir, singing emerged as a slight possibility. My singing was fair, not great. I was actually shocked when I was accepted.

High school was the one place that gave me a hint at what I might be good at. Aptitude tests (and I took a bunch) were supposed to give the guidance counselor and ultimately me areas in which I excelled and would lead me to be a productive member of society by steering me into meaningful employment which I would be good at and enjoy. Princess was not one of those. Nor was artist, stewardess, writer or violinist. Medical technologist stood out. And thus my path was chosen. Or so it seemed.

I did not truly excel at anything. My grades were good (B’s and A’s) which put me in the top 25% of my class not the top 1%. I was a member of the Beta Club, not the Honor Society. And there was no true passion about anything except leaving home. That I wanted to do really, really badly.

The problem with that was going to become very obvious when I was finally ordered out of the house. Passion without direction is disastrous. Lack of direction itself is the beginning of that recipe for disaster. I mean, how does one look for employment in a strange town?

So that day finally came when they told me “you have to go!” I do not remember being particularly upset or fearful. I had $65.00 and a suitcase. I packed. I counted my money. I walked out the door. My journey began.

To Drive or Not To Drive ….

That is THE question. If we live long enough, we reach that point when the question becomes reality. Unfortunately, for some the reality comes at the point of impact.

As we age our reflexes slow. Our thought processes begin to wander. Our short term memory becomes erratic. Lapses in memory that, when we were young, were humorous are becoming more problematic, not humorous at all. Our livelihood is diminished. We become more dependent upon others. It is simply the natural progression of things.

Or, more aptly, the natural decay or decline of humanity. The reality of what is happening is painfully obvious. Just look in the mirror. The wrinkles. The sagging skin. The greying or white hair. The love handles that truly are not. The prescription meds for high blood pressure, diabetes, thyroid problems, COPD, and the bottles, they do stack up. Oh, and we stumble more.

The 60’s start us considering impending retirement. We have started feeling life or the lack thereof just a bit more. But there’s still time to think about those things later. Truth is we should have started thinking about those things at age 30 not age 60.

The 70’s bring their own special brand of crazy as everything gets just a tiny bit worse. Just add a leaky bladder, farts that are surprisingly not farts, swelling feet, ankles, calves and knees, as well as the stomach that has decided it does not like anything it used to find just yummy and comfy. The taste buds seemed to have left town with the teeth.

The 80’s introduce us to the walker or rollerater. They keep us steady if they are fitted properly to our height and weight. They keep us slightly bent forward and remind us we are less than ….

We are less than what we were and the one place we are fully accepted is that warehouse. Heaven’s waiting room?! Where the dead go to die?! The nursing home, of course. Thinking about it like that does not endear it to our heart.

The 90’s brings more of the same only more intense. The memory has faded. The body is failing. Getting up requires effort. A lot of effort. Waking brings on the, “Oh, my! I’m still here” response. Or something equally repulsive.

At this point, if one is still driving, it begs the question, “How?” We all know why. Driving is freedom. It’s the last vestige of “I’m still viable and alive!” We can get up and still go. We are not dead yet. There are still places to go. People to see and to be seen.

We tend to think more about the hereafter and the here for. We do wonder what we are here for. I mean if I can not do the things I did nor be who I was. What good am I really. The hereafter cannot be ignored as it must be faced by us all.

If there is no relationship with the Creator then there is little reason to be in the here or in the hereafter. But that is the subject of many more discussions.

Back to driving. When do we need to stop driving? When we reach a certain age, or when we reach a certain level of disability? To be frank, disability is probably the way to go. Failing eyesight is the first indicator. If you cannot see, you cannot navigate. Manual dexterity limitations inhibit turning the steering wheel, just as muscle atrophy limits how quickly you can move your foot from the accelerator to the gas or how well you can look behind the car as you back up.

Perhaps if we were not so afraid of the unknown, of death itself, we would not be quite so fearful of the aging (decaying) process. The only way to lose fear of the unknown is to get to know it. Get to know the only One Who can be in control of both life and death.

It Has Been A Long 8 Months

And it appears there will be more long months ahead. It is my task to “take care of” a 94 year old man who has no family to care for him. It is not a really bad situation, as situations go. There is little monetary gain from it. There is no pay nor hope of grand inheritance.

So why? It is not something that I really wanted to do. It is something I was lead to do. GOD truly does work in mysterious ways. Other than that fact, there would be no reason for me to be there. No reason to cook, clean house, prepare for visitors, and no reason to travel a thousand miles to do all that.

There is a relationship but I hesitate to elaborate simply because it is not so much complicated as it is just plain weird.

Most people know who their parents are by familial knowledge passed down through legal documents, adoption papers, and plain old word of mouth.

Who is your Daddy, really? Is he simply one prime wiggler that made it to the promised land? Or is it time spent doing ‘daddy things’ over an extended period of time? Some combination of the two? Maybe something entirely different?

At this point, being a grandmother myself, I thought I would have it all figured out. Well, I do not and at this point, how to proceed is still up for grabs. It will also be another chapter in life.

See you then. 🙄

Staring at the Screen or Whatever For?

And no, I do not know why I am sitting here, wondering why I am sitting here. I just keyed in a string of ambiguous nonsense, so there must be something simmering in that grey matter called my brain or that reddish muscular pumping organ called my heart.

It is a bit sad to know that simply moments ago, these magnificent ideas for a blog post were rushing out of my mind and cascading into an abyss never to be heard from …. again …. well, maybe not until I am in heavy traffic with no way to write or at 3:13 in the morning when I rapidly dismiss thoughts and ideas in order to make it to the bathroom in time.

Speaking of 3:00 in the morning. That is a time that frequently awakens me. I read somewhere a bunch of years ago that that time is the best time to pray. It was an article in a magazine. A magazine is one of those paper things we used to hold in our hands, turn pages and read from. That explanation is for all of you who are under 20 and never held a comic book.

The internet is fascinating but I do miss my dependence upon books. Those trips to the library to do research on whatever topic inspired me to write, read or just waste time were cherished, particularly when I was a teenager and needed an excuse to leave the house. The library was it. It was a place of adventure. Columns of books. Thousands of them. And I could touch them all. I could escape in my mind with no one knowing where I was going.

The internet, on the other hand, with its cookies and trackers, hackers and predators, as well as all the other monsters out there in cyberspace, knows not only who you are, but where you have been and an algorithm has already plotted out where you are probably going and where you will shop along the way. I am not particularly fond of it. But ….

Yes, but, you can easily self-publish a book. Write things in blogs that other people read and find out things that, left on your own, you probably never really wanted to know anyway.

And this ends my therapy session for now. Besides, I have nothing left to say. Not right now, anyway. Find something constructive to do with your time. Visit a library. And read a book.

Prayers and GOD BLESS!!

Have You Reached Your Limit?

Few of us

I started this post on November 18, 2017 and the above is as far as I got.  I guess I had reached my limit that day.  And I am bound to reach my limit just as quickly today.  Today is Thursday.  It is trash day.  It is the day that the church people come with the weekly meal.  It is the day after Wednesday and the day before Friday.  It is Thursday.

When do you know you have reached your limit?  It varies, does it not?  When eating or drinking anything, your body should let you know when that limit is reached.  Running or any type of physical activity will let your body notify you when you have reached your limit.  It is the mental stress activities that we seem unable to read the signs that say, “Enough.”   It is only when some garbled version of “ENOUGH!” is shouting, no screaming at us to stop when we even slow down enough to think about what is going on.

Any event in our life can become consuming of our time and thought processes.  Only when those around say silly things like, “You look like you need a break!” do we even consider that really might be the case.  When friends, sometimes even acquaintances, start offering to help you take a break, you definitely NEED a break!

From October 2000 to April 2001 I helped out my Mom after she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  I flew her home with me from the hospital.  At the time I was staying with my mother-in-law who did not want to go into a nursing home.  I took my Mom to Chemo treatments and days when she did not have one, I worked in the office.  I held a full time job and took care of both of them and thought nothing of it.  It was not stressful.  It all had to be done and it was all working.  It actually worked better with both of them there because they kept each other company.

It was not until after my Mom went back home that things kind of started falling apart.  My mother-in-law had no one to talk to while I was working and she did things she ought not do.  That is when the stress set in and she decided to leave her own home to get away from me.  I find that somewhat humorous now.  Back then it was just a relief.  Her companion was gone.  She was lonely.  And I, well, I was me.  I was the “wicked bitch of the south” constantly on her about her diet, about feeding my overweight dog, and a thousand other things I just had to bring up.  I had reached my limit and no one could see the signs well enough to tell me.  If they did, it was a case of “Not me! I’m not saying nothin’!”

Far too often, we have to be the one to say when it is time for a break.  We have to be an adult and admit that we do not have super powers.  We have to say “GOD, I need a break.  Please show me how to admit to myself that I do not have the responsibility of the World upon my shoulders.”

We are after all just human.  Man or woman, we can only do so much.  Sometimes we can do more, but this time we need a break.

Subtle Subversion

Have you noticed how Communists or Socialists overthrow modern governments? They used to simply cause chaos in the streets with dissatisfied people who were easily worked up because they were oppressed and starving. They were worked up with the promise of food and equality. They were then made equally miserable.

Today’s overthrow begins a bit differently. They get themselves elected. How? They promise free education, fully paid, so students graduate debt free. They promise free healthcare for everyone, but they fail to go into any details. They guarantee everyone a job at a great salary. You remember the details? Those sticky little things like how will all of this be paid for. How do you provide for nearly 400 million people equally?

Our freedom then becomes a thing of the past. How does a country pay for all these free things? How does the taxpayer give up 80% OR MORE of their pay to a government that is already unable to govern with the 30+% they already get?

How is it paid for is just the beginning. How many General Practitioners are going to study to become a doctor for 12 years and work for minimum wage? How about the Surgeon? Will the Surgeon want to work for minimum wage? If the line worker makes as much as the Supervisor with only the increase in responsibility, who will want to supervise? If everyone has to live in the same type of house or is relegated to a certain number of rooms per persons in the family, who is happy then? When do they start limiting how many children a family can have?

And what about the ruling class? Do they make minimum wage, too? No. They live in luxury because of their status; because they are the elite. They effectively destroy the so-called Middle Class and make everyone but the ruling political class poor; thereby making everyone equal. The government confiscates land, homes, belongings and pay. The political class steals everything you have, puts you on the street, homeless and hungry, and mows you down when you protest. If you disagree with their point of view, their political stand, they throw you in jail and label you a dissident, and an enemy of the state. You become a hater. You become a pariah. There is a target on your back. No longer welcome in public restaurants, coffee shops or the local laundromat. Or even your own neighborhood.

Demonize the Constitution. Create an enemy where there is none. Promise FREE stuff that you cannot deliver, then blame the current, legally elected administration. Work the non-thinking masses into a fever pitch. If there are not enough of those who see the truth, we become overrun by Communism. They call it Socialism, but it is nothing more than Communism. It may be Communism lite, but it is still Communism.

You want to be like Venezuela? Keep listening to the likes of
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (new salary of $174,000 expected to rise substantially in her new political career) or Kamala Harris (net worth $580,000 to $2 million), Elizabeth Warren (net worth approximately $14.5 million) and they are spoon feeding the masses the pablum of FREE . While sucking on the sugar teat of political hucksters, the masses with eyes closed will follow the stench of decaying free stuff right down the broad road to Hell. Just ask Venezuelan citizens

Slavery

The United States of America was indeed founded by (to use the current colloquial) a bunch of “rich old white men.” They had families and they had the wherewithal (money) to escape the persecution that existed within their country (England, specifically King George III) and take their families with them. If you were living in a country that persecuted (hunted down, tortured, imprisoned and killed) people for simply believing in a non-government sanctioned religion (Christianity to be specific). And it was not all of Christianity, it was specifically the Church of England. If you did not belong to the state (Government) sponsored sect, you were in deep trouble.

Yes, there was slavery in the United States and it was promoted by England. It was a business for the Barbary Pirates (Muslims) that they found lucrative and seemed to find some hideous pleasure in promoting. Slavery was not initially confined to one race. It included all races, ages, males and females. It was only after they (the Barbary Pirates) realized that along the coast of Africa were human beings who could be picked off in groups or singularly with little resistance. The brutality of the Muslim raiders soon spread as did their thirst for new victims to sell in England and the English colonies.

When the Constitution of the United States was first written, it contained a wording to eliminate slavery in the United States at its beginning. Most of the Founders wanted to abolish the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade.  Jefferson had denounced that “execrable traffic” in his first draft of the Declaration of Independence.
But South Carolina and Georgia delegates would not go along, and, significantly, some in New England recognized the powerful influence of merchants whose ships included slavers.

But they were able to get into the original Constitution a provision which allowed Congress to ban the Slave Trade in twenty years. How odd for all those Washington liberals who today tout compromise to attack as immoral and vile this most important of compromises. Would most of the Founders have so desperately wanted to ban the Slave Trade if they thought it a good thing? If they condoned it?

[https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2011/01/the_constitution_did_not_condo.html]

In the 1626 through 1737 New York City was the hub of slavery in the northern states with the most slaves north of Virginia. *Slaveholding concentrated in New York City, where by 1691 competition from slave labor had driven white porters out of the market houses and where by 1737 free coopers were complaining of “great numbers of Negroes” working in their trade.

The slave trade became a cornerstone of the New York economy. As with Boston and Newport, profits of the great slave traders, or of smaller merchants who specialized in small lots of skilled or seasoned slaves, radiated through a network of port agents, lawyers, clerks, scriveners, dockworkers, sailmakers, and carpenters.

Free blacks lived in New York at risk of enslavement. The colonial courts ruled that if a white person claimed his black employee was a slave, the burden was on the black person to prove he was not. Blacks on the street who could give no plausible account of their movements or proof of their freedom often were picked up by the authorities and jailed on suspicion of being runaway slaves. Local authorities had all but unlimited power in such cases. A black man was arrested in New York City in 1773 simply “because he had curious marks on his back.” In such cases the suspected fugitives were held in local jails while advertisements ran in the newspapers seeking their owners. If a claimant arrived, and reimbursed the sheriff for the cost of the detention and the ads, he took the black person away after a few legal formalities. There was little incentive for the sheriff to challenge the claim of ownership in such cases. Even if no claimant came forth, the authorities sometimes then sold the black person into slavery, to cover the cost of detaining and advertising him.

*[http://slavenorth.com/newyork.htm]

George Washington is perhaps one of the most maligned or praised (depending upon your perception of the times) slave owners of the Revolution. He inherited his first slaves at the age of 11. Given his early indoctrination of the slavery process, it is reasonable to assume that he wholeheartedly approved of slavery. In fact, his point of view evolved over the years. His last will and testament freed only one outright. Due to the laws at the time and the intertwined relationships between his slaves and those of his wife, it became a thorny matter for him to resolve. He could neither will away, nor free “property” (slaves) that did not belong directly to him. It is interesting to note that some of the slaves were taught to read and write (and I would assume that they taught others), which was not a widely supported concept by the beginning of the Civil War. George Washington’s reluctance to free all his fully owned slaves, even upon his death, appears more to have been bowing to his wife, Martha’s, desires and well-being rather than to resolve whatever inner conflict he may have had regarding the purchase and owning of human beings.

[https://www.historynet.com/george-washington-his-troubles-with-slavery.htm]

[https://www.history.com/news/did-george-washington-really-free-mount-vernons-slaves]

In 1773, Patrick Henry wrote, “I believe a time will come when an opportunity will be offered to abolish this lamentable evil. Everything we do is to improve it, if it happens in our day; if not, let us transmit to our descendants, together with our slaves, a pity for their unhappy lot and an abhorrence of slavery.”

In 1786 John Jay (author of The Federalist) wrote, “It is much to be wished that slavery may be abolished. The honour of the States, as well as justice and humanity, in my opinion, loudly call upon them to emancipate these unhappy people. To contend for our own liberty, and to deny that blessing to others, involves an inconsistency not to be excused.”

Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Independence and the well known phrase, “all men are created equal” wrote, “There must doubtless be an unhappy influence on the manners of our people produced by the existence of slavery among us. The whole commerce between master and slave is a perpetual exercise of the most boisterous passions, the most unremitting despotism on the one part, and degrading submissions on the other. Our children see this, and learn to imitate it; for man is an imitative animal. This quality is the germ of all education in him.”

[https://www.usconstitution.net/consttop_slav.html]

Massachusetts, Vermont, and Maine were the only states that counted no slaves in the census of 1790. The three states with the largest slave population on the census are South Carolina with 43%, Maryland with 32% and Virginia with 39%.

The question remains, “Did the Civil War actually end slavery or did slavery simply morph into something more insidious that can only be defined as an enslavement of the mind?”

What constitutes slavery? Is it simply the obvious of the outright purchase of a human being with the going monetary substance of the day? Or is it something more subtly insidious? The Master no longer owns a title to the human being, but said human lives in Master’s house (the Government projects) and eats Master’s food (Government food stamps) and lives only how Master says they can live because they are a victim. Part of what kept some people slaves still exists and has kept them slaves to this day. The victim mentality will keep us down, it will destroy us and keep us in bondage to the past. We are more than just the sum of our horrific events. We are FREE! In the eyes of GOD we are free from the bondage of sin, of hatred, of politics, of those who would use us for their own advantage. We are free. All men, are indeed, created equal, by the Creator. And I know that the phrase “all men” applies to every human being and not just man. And I do not need any law or amendment to prove it to me. Today’s modern version of slavery is adherence to a political party that keeps humanity hoping for change, hoping for something that is owed to us under the presumption of becoming equal through legal means or through the redistribution of monies that someone else worked for in order to make us equal. If we do not believe that we are equal under GOD we will never be equal and never be contented with our lot in life. And professional lifelong political hacks will always be able to pull our strings, court our vote, and make us feel guilty for wanting to have dreams and a desire to be better.